Thursday, January 12, 2012


It's amazing how something like a song can be so comforting. I used to listen to this CD with some beautiful punk songs (oxymoron!) when I was 15. That age proved to build strength in my character as every sense of security in my life disolved. That age changed me from child to teenager. I could say that I was on my way to being the woman I have become today that year. And so I listened to this CD constantly. Not because it consoled me or because I identified with it. I listened because it was art for my ears. It became the musical zeigest for that era of growth.
Everynow and then that CD, even just one song, comes up on my endless stream of music on my personal iTunes. I haven't gone out of my way to listen to the CD, although after this post I just might. When a song creeps into my consciousness memories wash through me like tidal waves. It such an incredible feeling but the real magic lies a little deeper. When I hear these songs things seem to make sense all of a sudden. Right now I am dealing with the impending question of my future as a psychologist searching for direction on my path to becoming a professional adult. I make sense of the death of my boyfriends cousin in Afganistan that, although I never met him, seemed to shock and confuse me, rocking me to my core and making me question life, death, and love. However, since these songs were so strongly, yet unknowingly, tied to making sense of my parents divorce, the death of my Grandfather, and my growing social insecurites, they are accompanied by a sense of comfort and understanding.
Just listening to these few songs has made me remember that girl I was, so confused yet anxious to discover the true meaning of life even at the cost of pain and tragedy. I don't mean to sound dramatic but the truth is I felt dramatic at that age and these songs made those feelings dwindle. Hearing a few songs from that time in my life helped me to feel that same dwindling in the drama I am facing now. Even though I have evolved in the past eight years I am still the same person at my core.

*The CD is Operation Punk Rock Freedom (which I bought for one dollar at Warped Tour in 2004). The song that sparked this stream of consciousness is Mestizos Love Song by Mêlée.

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